At the Edge

Mr Sedgy is a woman. We normally like those, but this one is a menace. We have been a victim of the Sedge three times now and they are bruising encounters. Beware travellers on the A556, this is not Mr Sedgy - this is Mrs Edgy

We reckon that - Mrs Edgy eats M&S ready meals, washed down with M&S Pinot Grigio. Has a tennis raquet with dust on it and real cat gut strings. She keeps Mr Edgy in a cupboard at home and only lets him out when his elderly parents call and on a Saturday for sex. Her favourite band is Take That. She buys fake handbags off e-bay and fills them with prozac and gin. She drives to Manchester every day, where she works as either an estate agent or in a recruitment agency.

Mrs Edgy - You are a tosser.