At the Edge

Mr Sedgy is a woman. We normally like those, but this one is a menace. We have been a victim of the Sedge three times now and they are bruising encounters. Beware travellers on the A556, this is not Mr Sedgy - this is Mrs Edgy

We reckon that - Mrs Edgy eats M&S ready meals, washed down with M&S Pinot Grigio. Has a tennis raquet with dust on it and real cat gut strings. She keeps Mr Edgy in a cupboard at home and only lets him out when his elderly parents call and on a Saturday for sex. Her favourite band is Take That. She buys fake handbags off e-bay and fills them with prozac and gin. She drives to Manchester every day, where she works as either an estate agent or in a recruitment agency.

Mrs Edgy - You are a tosser.

Sporty Spice

Colin Parry (we are guessing!) plays football on Sundays and golf when it's not raining because it makes a terrible mess of his hair. He drinks bottled beer and his favourite food is chicken nuggets with BBQ dip. He holidays in Ayia Napa and makes love to ladies with Craig David whispering sweet nothings from his new i pod with 3D docking station and built in waffle toaster. He wears hipster jeans with boxers riding a good two inches above, probably by Kevin Klein. Be carefull Colin, our mum reckons you can get cold in your kidneys by not tucking that shirt in.
His girlfreind thinks that he runs his own internet business doing import/export. Truth is, he does the egg glaze on the line at Roberts Bakery. Good job that his Granny left him the money for the car eh?

Anyway, why is he putting petrol into his screen wash?

Colin, we like your style, but not your spelling.