Riffs - Can You Dig It?

Hello Boppers

The Rochdale Riffs from Rochdale are not happy. Leader Cyrus has had his pie stolen outside a chippy in Wigan. His gang are in hot persuit in a souped up Mini down the M6. Up front in a stolen D. Morgan tipper are the Warrington Warriors trying to fight their way back to the sanctuary of home turf, in er.. Warrington. What the Riffs fail to understand, is that the pie was nicked by Luther, the leader of the Runcorn Rogues from Runcorn, who then blamed the Warriors.

We were trying to flag them down and explain what had happened just after they cut us up and brake tested us in the outside lane. We thought it may reduce their haste and make the roads a safer place. However, after weighing up the options and the possibility of the desperado's pulling a shooter on us, we decided to pull off at the next junction and have an power nap in the services.

At the Edge

Mr Sedgy is a woman. We normally like those, but this one is a menace. We have been a victim of the Sedge three times now and they are bruising encounters. Beware travellers on the A556, this is not Mr Sedgy - this is Mrs Edgy

We reckon that - Mrs Edgy eats M&S ready meals, washed down with M&S Pinot Grigio. Has a tennis raquet with dust on it and real cat gut strings. She keeps Mr Edgy in a cupboard at home and only lets him out when his elderly parents call and on a Saturday for sex. Her favourite band is Take That. She buys fake handbags off e-bay and fills them with prozac and gin. She drives to Manchester every day, where she works as either an estate agent or in a recruitment agency.

Mrs Edgy - You are a tosser.

Sporty Spice

Colin Parry (we are guessing!) plays football on Sundays and golf when it's not raining because it makes a terrible mess of his hair. He drinks bottled beer and his favourite food is chicken nuggets with BBQ dip. He holidays in Ayia Napa and makes love to ladies with Craig David whispering sweet nothings from his new i pod with 3D docking station and built in waffle toaster. He wears hipster jeans with boxers riding a good two inches above, probably by Kevin Klein. Be carefull Colin, our mum reckons you can get cold in your kidneys by not tucking that shirt in.
His girlfreind thinks that he runs his own internet business doing import/export. Truth is, he does the egg glaze on the line at Roberts Bakery. Good job that his Granny left him the money for the car eh?

Anyway, why is he putting petrol into his screen wash?

Colin, we like your style, but not your spelling.

Tea For Two

Here we see an unusual way of attaching a plate. The fools at Mercedes have put the rivets in the wrong place, handing this poor unfortiunate driver an unwanted IATAIGOSN.


The driver should be able to appeal. We will consider romoving the 3 points if they get it refixed and buy us some new wiper blades.

Ruby?

We reckon that the 4 is being deployed as an R and this car belongs to someone callled Rogan. Rogan is a word used in Curry making and means clarified butter in Persian, while Josh means hot or passionate.

In Anglo Saxon 4OGAN means Tosser.

Jingle - "Shameless Plug of the Weeeeeeeek!" GEMU VALVES

Sometimes on our M6 excursions, we meet nice people. This gentleman made room and let us change lanes without shaking his fist, swearing or trying to ram us. The only proplem was that we then needed to change lanes twice more to get the shot in. We think that may have pissed him off, but his nerve held. With that in mind, we thought we might do something in return.

For all your diaphragm valvey needs

"I bought a Gemu valve for my flesh disolver - It was brilliant" Dave, Warrington.

"My stairlift had a Gemu diaphragm valve, it never let me down" Thora Hird.

Gemu Valves Ltd
9 Grosvenor Grange
Woolston
Warrington
WA1 4SF

Tel: 01925 824044
Fax: 01925 828002

Cheers Gemu - Keep up the good work.

Slick Nick - You Devil You!

Dyslexia is rife in Warrington, where i in E people can't tell the difference between numbers and letters. This IATAIGSN disturbed us so much, we couldn't go into Toys R Us (or was it TO45 R US?) . The sign above the doors made us think that the place was just a massive car ready to eat us and spit out our miserable bones, or keep us locked in the trunk with 30 purple dinosaurs repeating the phrase - 'Can I be your friend' in an American accent. AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!

Thanks N70 KYX, you've ruined the childrens Christmas.

Monterey Jack

This Tosser was sent in by the Steel Duke. Caught performing a dangerouss IATAICYU, IATACI finished with a IATACQ, on the A556 durring a torential downpour. Interestingly, Vauxhall only made 7 Monterey's, 4 were used to keep chickens in and the other 3 were given to Care in The Community for patient use.

Tosser!

Interesting fact of the day - 'Monteray Jack is a type of chesse that is responsible for making Americans fat.'

Don't Call Us.

Mobile phones in cars are illegal. They can't be used for anything other than telling the time or wondering why you haven't received any text's for over a week. They give you cancer and make your semen so dilute that your sperm die or only create ginger kids.

This gentleman chose to blantantly ignore the law and carve up half the M6 whilst on the blower. Fully deserving an IATAIOTP and a IATAICYU - 6 Points!

Probably arranging for a prozzie to meet him at the Little Chef for an Olympic Breakfast, followed by an hour in the nearest Travel Lodge.

A good days work you Tosser!

At First I Was Affraid, I Was Petrified.

Bury town centre

Sunday 2nd December 2007.



This IATAIGASN once again utilises the Tossers favourite number - the '7'. Here it is cunningly deployed on a Monster Truck and is meant to represent the lettler 'L'. This vehicle must belong to a female and we're having a good guess that her name is probably Gloria, only in Bury, it's spelt Glorea (obviously).

With such a big truck, we reckon she is either a rugby player or a lezzer.

Needless to say, we won't be going to Bury ever again.

Audi Doodi

Jn 21 M6 08:50hrs

The inevitable queue formed way before the start of the viaduct. Patient people in tin boxes listening to Brazil and Parry, watching the bumper in front so as not to be the one to 'let them them in'. I sat and wondered if the viaduct itself is high enough to jump off and deploy a parachute, or if you'd smash into the ground and the chute just jump out of the back pack and cover your bleeding remains. Also, how fast would you need to be traveling to use it's gentle slope as a take off ramp. I reckon somewhere in the region of 786 MPH would probably get you airborn and over the matrix sign.

Then it happened, I failed to notice that the car in front had moved and an Audi sized gap had opened up. She was in with a beautifully executed series of offences. IATACI, IATAICYU & IATACQ. 9 points, well done.

AL51 OLT - you are a TOSSER!

Her Name Is RHE4O And She Dances On The Sand

WTF? I still haven't been able to work this one out. I asked Google if it knew, they said this. Can't possibly mean 'Cheap', that's a £30k BMW and that plate must be worth £40 quid! Then, on closer inspection, we found it. Welcome to the M6 RheaO.

I can't dish anything out for this one because she's clearly new to the country and I'd like to 'protect' her.

E15 AAA - Tosser!

Here, the sporty Porshe Cayenne has been visually enhanced by a superb reshuffle. I have it on good authority that the gentleman driving this motor is called E15AA, pronounced 'Eefifteenah'. Second name probably begins with 'A'. Clearly deserves a IATIGASNP to add to the IATACI, the IATICYU and the IATACQ - A thoroughly deserved 12 points earned in one single manoeuvre down the outside of a line of traffic. What's the odds that the Sat Nav system said-

'Stuff your big hulking gas guzzler down the outside of that line of traffic, cut in at the front without indicating, kill a prole and turn left at the Slug and Ferret'

Tosser!

Tosser Tom - T17 OMK

T 1 7 OMK was a character in Star Wars episode 3 which was actually episode 6. This example of the offence IATAIGASN (3 points) employs the felt tipped fixing screw cunningly deployed as a full stop. Using the 7 as a sneaky T, this tosser has made his number plate read TIT OMK which is in the Kamasutra. A TIT is what you get on the front of ladies and an OMK is when you touch one (or both) of them without the lady in question knowing.

Welcome aboard.

TOSSER! MM05 GSU

Every day someone tries to kill me. If they can't get me they'll get anyone. So, I've mounted a camera to my dash. Using an elaborate system of prisms and pulleys, I intend to shame the tossers. Don't worry, it's remotely operated and totally safe. So I wont be smashing into you when you try and kill me.

Offences -

1. IATACI (3 points)
2. IATAPMN (3 points)
3. IATAICYU (3 points)